| I don't post nearly enough...my Ode To Liam. |
[27 Dec 2007|06:04pm] |
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Misery Index |
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True to form, it's been ages since my last post. Maybe not years but quite a while.
I am single now...sort of. I live alone at least. It's different though I'm not quite used to it yet. I should post some photos somewhere of my empty, depressing dwelling and all of it's inhabitants (aka dust bunnies).
I'm doing well with the help of my closest friends. I'd like to take a minute to name one in particular: Liam.
Thank you, Liam. You have made my life most happy the past few months. Your constant companionship and conversation have been nothing but awesome. You've had/made me laughing, contemplating, grinning, eye-rolling, swooning, smitten, horny, ravenous, silly and again, generally happy. Liam, many thanks to you and your brain and your many amazing ways.
Now if only you weren't so far away...
I'm so glad to know you...so glad to have you in my life.
Hmm...wonder if he'll even read this...?
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| blah |
[26 Oct 2007|10:13pm] |
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Editors - Munich |
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SO I'm currently intoxicated and listening to Editors - which, I have to say, are both very good things.
I'm lonely though. I guess that happens when you break up with your boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and are still living with him though he's out tonight with friends and you're home, alone, drinking.
How do I cure lonliness?
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| Different |
[07 Oct 2007|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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Things are different now...not better, not worse...just different.
I'm still not sure exactly what's going to happen but for now...I'll deal with different.
I hate making decisions.
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| What now? |
[25 Sep 2007|11:18pm] |
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Interpol - Our Love To Admire |
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What do I do now? I've had the "talk"...what's the next step?
I sit here utterly confused. Like the Clash song inquires - should I stay or should I go?
Do I just leave something that I've worked on for almost three years?
Do I stay in something that's not right for me because I can't afford not to?
Do I go to therapy to find myself? To find out if in fact there is something wrong with me?
How did this happen? I thought I was happy...
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| Sleeplessness |
[13 Sep 2007|12:18am] |
So it's after midnight and I'm not in the mood to let it all hang out.
I should be going to bed yet I can't sleep. I suppose if I tried to sleep I could manage a decent 6 hours. It would probably be interrupted though - I tend to wake at 4AM on the dot regularly.
Was hoping to have a more exciting night though I've come to realize I need to make my own excitement and not rely on others to entertain and excite me. How do you supposed I go about doing that though? Watch porn? Nah. That gets old very fast plus, that's not the kind of excitement I was refering to. I guess I could read my book - I'd like to finish it within let's say the next 6 months. Ha. Hopefully way before that.
No, I'm not writing a book though it would be fun to try. I'm currently reading House Of Leaves. Interesting so far...very different from any other book I've read. I'm liking it. Maybe it will inspire me to write...something. Perhaps poetry? Hmm...maybe.
Sleep sleep sleep...maybe if I think it enough it'll come true.
Maybe I should just go and get into the bed...yeah. Ok. Good idea.
Goodnight - I hope.
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| Jobs and message boards |
[19 Aug 2007|07:33pm] |
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nothing nothing nothing |
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So I did it - I posted for a new position at work. A week ago. I haven't heard a thing yet. Please please please let me get what I want...
It's in HR...our HR department SUCKS but I'm hoping if I get a position there I might try and find out why they suck so badly. You know it's hard out there for an Admin...we get no respect and no one wants to give us a shot at trying something different because they think all we're good for is making copies (Liam knows what I'm talking about...) and ordering supplies. It's true, my job is easy and I shouldn't complain...but, wait...WHY SHOULDN'T I COMPLAIN?! If' I'm unhappy, I complain...then I do something about it. So far I've done both. Complained, for what seemed like my entire life, then I DID SOMETHING - I posted out.
So now what? Sit and wait, I guess. That's what I seem to do with most things in my life...sit...and...wait.
So I'm thinking about checking out Superbad this week. It looks pretty funny and entertaining. I made the mistake of asking someone's opinion of the movie on the IMDb message boards. Never again. If you ever want an honest opinion on anything don't try and get it there. Jeez. the people on that message board suck. All they are is a constant string of insults and sarcasm. Maybe I'm naive or a "noob" and maybe that's how all message boards are but it's really quite infuriating. Ah well, what can you do? There's just so much sarcasm one can take.
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| Sunday ... again |
[05 Aug 2007|08:29pm] |
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Family Guy on in the background |
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I really don't know what to write here anymore. This is why I end up letting it lapse for years. I write for a couple of weeks...nothing too interesting...not sure it's read by anyone...then I stop writing for a couple of years...then I come back wondering who's left.
So I went to NYC this past Friday to watch this new moving being shot. That was pretty fun and also pretty uneventful. I have never seen a movie shot before. I never knew how repetitive it was.
Wow - I've got nothing really worth writing here but I didn't want to let it lapse so...there you go.
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| Sunday nights - Monday mornings |
[29 Jul 2007|10:52pm] |
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Family Guy on in the background |
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I hate Sunday nights because it means that when I go to bed I'll wake up and it'll be Monday morning again.
I don't like to go to work. I mean, I don't mind working but I don't like my job. "So get a new job" you say. Ok, fine.
- Sunday evening TV is good. I like [adult swim] a lot on Sundays. I only wish that they would put T&EASGJ! on earlier than 1:00am. -
I can't sleep much on Sunday night either. I end up staying up until about 1:00am anyway but then I'm sleepy on Monday morning and that just makes going to work harder. It makes being at work more difficult too. I swear, if someone asks me to do ANYTHING before 9:00am (and before I get my coffee...) heads are gonna roll. I don't know how shit needs to be done that early anyway. Seriously, people are fucking helpless. "I need to update my travel profile - HELP!" Yes, that was actually left on a Post-it note on my desk last week. My GOD people! Go to Travel and click "Update my Profile"!!! Jeez, and I'm the one without the degree. Fuck-tards. If they were only as smart as I was...haha. Kidding. No, seriously, they're fucking dumb. All walking people-bots doing their RFP's and closing their deals and having their conference calls and spouting bullshit from their mouths second by second.
I can't stand the corporate world, especially the corporate insurance company world. I guess I have to deal with it if I want money.
There's this class being offered at the University near me titled "How to watch TV". Dude, that class was made for me. I really, really, REALLY need to go back to school and complete my degree in Broadcasting. I really, really do. Seriously. I need to. NOW.
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| tired & uninteresting (lightning is scary) |
[28 Jul 2007|12:52am] |
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South Park on in the background |
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I'm tired. I can't think of anything interesting to write. Nothing interesting really happens to me.
Maybe this is why I only post a couple of entries every 2 years.
Guess I need to MAKE something interesting happen, huh?
It's so sad that it's 1:00am on a Friday night (Saturday morning) and I can barely keep my eyes open and I'm ready to pass out. This is after having a triple grande white mocha before dinner and an espresso after dinner. I think I'm immune to the effects of caffiene though. I also don't think I spelled caffiene right. I could never spell that word.
I had fried calamari tonight...I haven't had anything fried in a long time. Boy, was it good.
Oh, I remembered something that happened...
Driving home from dinner tonight we ended up in a terrible storm. Pouring rain, crazy lightning...
One of the bolts of lightning came down and hit a tree less than 100 feet in front of us!!! I've NEVER been that close to lightning before...scared the shit outta me. Thankfully the branch didn't come down on the car.
Whew! That was a close one.
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| Ice Cream & Fat Jeans |
[23 Jul 2007|09:50pm] |
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Aphrodite - Superman |
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There's nothing better in this world than espresso chip ice cream. Three of my favorite things in this world (coffee, chocolate and cream) combined in one spectacular treat. Oh My God - so good it inspires me to write an entry about it. It's even better these days now that I only allow myself to have ice cream once a week or less. Too much ice cream and I'll be back in my "fat jeans" haha. Nah - I threw those away in hopes of never having to wear them again. That's probably the best (and most expensive) way to keep yourself from getting fat again - toss all of your old fat clothes. The expense is that if you mistakenly (who am I kidding, nobody gets fat by accident) become fat again you'll have to buy all new clothes.
Anyway, enough about fat, yeah? I'm just going to sit back and enjoy my treat...let it rest on my tongue for a little longer than I should, letting it slowly melt, savoring every last bit...
*sigh*
sooooo good...
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| It's been a long time... |
[22 Jul 2007|10:27pm] |
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I haven't been on LiveJournal in more than 2 years, and before that it had been more than 4 years. I don't know why I let it lapse like that. Probably because I don't think anyone ever read my journal entries. Though I guess it doesn't matter, this isn't just for people to read. I don't even recognize this anymore it's been so long. Someone new I met on a message board reminded me that LiveJournal was still around so I decided to try and login. Of course I'd forgotten my password but thankfully remembered the username.
Anyway, I'll see if any of my old "friends" read this and remember me...and I them...then I'll see if I let this lapse again for another 2 years...
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| Super-what? Sunday & Zombie Dreams |
[06 Feb 2005|08:51pm] |
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I don't like football. I could've gone to a party but I went home instead. I got some Chinese food and watched Queer Eye. I don't really watch that show often but it was better than football. I think I might be gay now though. A gay man. If I were to put on the Superbowl I may turn into a lesbian. Decisons, decisions. I could really use a cigarette right now. I only have one left. It's kind of cold outside. I just finished eating and it would be nice. Nah, I don't feel like putting shoes on. I am alone tonight. It was fun for the first few hours but now it's just getting old. I wish someone would call me. Everyone is at a party though, probably. I need to learn to enjoy my alone time. I've recently been spending some of my time with someone...I like that. I had a fucked up zombie dream last night. I told my friend that the Invader Zim marathon we were watching would cause me to have nightmares but I didn't think it would be a zombie nightmare. I remember at one point I was standing on a hill and had a birds-eye view of a cemetary. I watched as hundreds of corpses dug out of their graves. It was a scary sight. I also remember being chased by a zombie child. A little girl. It was freaky as hell. I don't know how it ended, I think I just woke up. I hope it doesn't continue tonight. Yikes.
(PS- I totally cut and pasted this from my MySpace blog. Sorry to those of you who read both this and that. I highly doubt there are people out there who read both though. In fact, I doubt anyone reads anything I write.)
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| Good times |
[31 Jan 2005|11:54pm] |
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the hum of the hard drive |
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So, I had a really good weekend. Friday...QXT's with Sean & Co. Saturday...dinner with Cat, Johnny and Bobby at Mexicali Rose...always good food there. Sunday...went to his house. Oh my God...awesome time. So I guess I freaked out a bit last week. Just because I'm "seeing someone" or whatever the hell it is I'm doing doesn't mean I have to be in constant contact with them. Whew. Lesson learned.
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| not looking too good |
[26 Jan 2005|10:19am] |
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So yesterday sucked. Today is not much better. I don't know what I do to fuck things up. I don't want to hear the "It's not you, it's me" thing. I can't help but think it's me all the time. I think I try too hard. I can never let things just happen. I always have to control them and make sure they go in the direction I want them to. In the end, it ultimately backfires on me. Do I like him or do I like the thought of having someone? That's the question. God I wish I hadn't gotten myself emotionally and physically attached. Why am I so upset? It's only been 3 weeks!!!
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| Hmph |
[24 Jan 2005|11:59pm] |
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I feel kinda shitty for being in a new relationship-type thing. I should be feeling more excited and euphoric. I almost wish I was totally alone again so I wouldn't be sitting here thinking about what he's thinking about me. I shouldn't be allowed to date. It makes me crazy. I guess I'm still used to my ex. It's been well over a year but I still compare people to him. I know that's the worst thing to do, especially since he sucked. The thing is he didn't suck all of the time. He was really thoughtful, always talked about his feelings, drew me pictures and wrote me poems. All that girly sappy shit that we love so much, he did it. I just have to make sure that I remember the shitty things that he did. I just wish that I knew where this new thing was going. If it's only a fling, I'll try and deal with it. My problem is I invest too many feelings into something that may not even be special. I think it could be but I don't know what he thinks. He's giving me so many mixed signals, I don't know what to think. Blah. I'm rambling on about such nonsense. Next week I probably won't even be seeing him anymore...who knows. I hate people.
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| yum |
[19 Jan 2005|11:18pm] |
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full |
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Family Guy in the background |
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So, peanut butter truffles from Lindt are freakin awesome. Thank God for my chocolate friend for helping me deal with my habit. What's the therapy term for that? Enabling. Yeah. Nice. I'll be portly forever!
Random Family Guy quote in my head: "You know what I haven't had in a long time? Big League Chew."
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| I'm Home! |
[18 Jan 2005|11:13pm] |
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I'm finally home! Jeez...I really missed my cat. I missed my bed. I should go to my bed and bring my cat and cuddle while watching Family Guy or maybe Dave Chappelle...damn, can't wait for Season 2 to come out on DVD. I also can't wait for the Venture Brothers to come out! (Thank's Scott for introducing them to me.) Ahh, what would I do without TV? Maybe have a better job and a higher intelligence? Nah. I love TV. Anyway...good to be home...need to go to bed an watch stuff...maybe bring some popcorn...yum.
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| Weekend re-cap |
[17 Jan 2005|05:07pm] |
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D-12 (not by choice) |
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Sooo....Friday was good...then came Sunday night...also good. Now it's Monday afternoon...still good...life is, how you say, "good" right now...
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| Friday night was a blast |
[15 Jan 2005|11:35pm] |
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pleased |
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So, my night did go well after all. I do have to admit that I knew it would. I met a wonderful person and had a wonderful time. Let's keep those positive thoughts coming so that I may have many more wonderful nights like Friday...
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| HOORAY! |
[14 Jan 2005|04:12pm] |
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excited |
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The weather is good! WOOHOO! Guess the positive thoughts worked! I (we, if you all thought positively too) made the weather gods happy. Or whatever predicts the weather did what it's supposed to do. Shit I'm babbling. No scary driving conditions. I'm happy. Now let's all hope my night goes well...I think it will. ;O)
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